With Trump’s goons invading Democratic cities, I’ve been thinking about the Jade Helm conspiracy theories in 2015, where conservative hysteria, also fueled by Texas Gov Greg Abbott, was through the roof. They were absolutely certain that our country’s first Black president was comin’ for their guns, so they did what any rational person would do: they buried their firearms in their backyards like paranoid squirrels hoarding nuts for the apocalypse.
Military leaders characterized it as a standard training operation. Conspiracy theorists, however, knew better—this was clearly the prelude to martial law and mass civilian detention, probably in shuttered Wal-Mart stores throughout Texas because nothing says “totalitarian dystopia” quite like being imprisoned next to the clearance aisle.
The shocking conclusion? Zero guns seized. Turns out it was just a regular military operation. Who could have possibly seen that coming? (Everyone. Everyone saw that coming.)
Fast forward to 2026: Donald J. Trump is actually invading Democratic cities, Americans have been killed, and the conservative hysteria meter reads a solid zero. Turns out federal overreach is totally fine when the right people are getting roughed up. Democrats are being put in their place, according to right-wingers, and their ‘place’ is apparently getting shot in the face while conservatives blast “ICE, ICE, baby” in comment sections.
