I went skiing over Thanksgiving break for the first time this season. My goals for day one on the slopes were the same as they are every ski season: shock my ligaments and muscles into ski shape, make it home without suffering a calamitous injury, and maybe have some fun.
I succeeded—well, kinda. This has been a terrible, horrible, no-good very-bad opening to the ski season here in Colorado, due to the balmy conditions and lack of snowfall. Amid the icy and hard-packed snow conditions, I struggled.
I also endured the existential crisis that many other skiers experience on their first day at the resort. Lucky for you, I captured my internal dialogue in a point-by-point screed, hopefully serving as a guide on how not to begin your season on the slopes.
Here we go, we’re really going skiing despite the sunshine and beach weather.
Oh, c’mon, it’s not that warm. Plus, this will be the best time to go skiing because the slopes will be empty. Everyone will be down in Denver golfing and riding bikes and working on their tan.
Hm, the parking lot looks pretty full
Oh crap.
Check out that line for the gondola.
Hooboy.
It’s fine. After all, the goal of day one of ski season is just to make a few turns, get your thighs to burn, crack a celebratory beer, and then go home early.
Exactly! We are so on the same page.
Great, OK, get your gear.
Uh oh, I think I brought two right-hand gloves. Where’s my face gaiter? Has anyone seen my goggles? Why does this jacket smell like BO?
Dude, did you check your ski gear bag to make sure everything was in there before you left home?
Nope, I just tossed it in the car. Looks like I forgot a ton of stuff.
It’s fine. Just put on your ski boots and let’s go.
Oh my god, I am pushing as hard as I can and my feet won’t fit into these boots. Did my feet grow over the summer? Seriously, they feel like bear traps. How do you put on ski boots again?
Just hold them up to the car heater and warm them up.
Gotcha.
How long have you been skiing?
Since 1986.
Grab your stuff and let’s get to the chairlift.
Ugh, these skis are so heavy. How do you carry skis and poles at the same time again? Dang, I dropped a glove. My back hurts. I can’t believe I do this all the time in the winter.
OK, we made it onto the lift. Time to spark up some polite chit-chat with your lift mates.
Hi everybody! What do y’all think about those airstrikes in Venezuela?
Shut up shut up shut up.
Shoot! I mean, how about that I-70 traffic? Talk about crazy.
Atta boy.
Geez, this is harder than I remember and I haven’t even made a single turn yet.
Just don’t fall off the chairlift.
OK, we made it to the top of the run. I’m clipped in and ready to go. Ski season 2025-26 is about to start!
Great. Before we get started, a quick question: did you attend that ski conditioning workout class that your local gym offered this fall?
Oops. I always say I’m going to do that class, and I always forget.
Maybe we should do some stretching or calisthenics first.
There’s no for that! Let’s go.
Just take it easy, OK?
Here we go! Ah, this is great, we’re going fast, let’s carve a turn.
Just remember to steer your ski tips into the turn, drive your edges down, and feel yourself carve across the hill. Don’t force it.
Ack, the snow is so crunchy and hard. There’s a lot of ice. I can’t hold an edge. My skis are just slipping all over the place.
Yeah, the snow is crud, but again, it’s only November. Wait, did you take your skis to the shop for a tune-up before the season?
Oops.
Did you wax the bases after last season? Or sharpen the edges?
Nope. I just skied hard on them through Spring Break, hit some rocks, and then tossed them into the closet and forgot about them—same as every year.
How long have you been skiing again?
For 39 years.
OK Mr. downhill racer, may I suggest you slow down?
But there are so many people on the hill, I need to pass them all!
There are only two runs open on the entire mountain, so everyone is crammed on them. Be patient. This isn’t a race.
Aaagh, why is it so nerve-wracking to ski down a crowded slope?
You’ll get the hang of it, just cool your jets.
Ugh, my legs are already Jell-O. I can’t find a good line to ski because of all of the people. The slope is so icy. What am I even doing here? I almost crashed like nine times.
C’mon, man, take a few deep breaths.
Oh my god, I suck at skiing.
Skiing in November is always like this.
No, last year it was a powder day, I swear.
No, it wasn’t. And it’s never been, going back 40 years.
Really?
Day one is always icy and crowded and not that much fun. But we always make it through.
All I remember from last season is that epic day I had skiing powder in tight trees. I shredded some really tough terrain that day. I’ll never get back to that level.
Yes, you will. You always do. But you have to start somewhere. And day one is always tough.
No, back in the day I’d start every ski season by shredding Dead Man’s Gulch, Pulverizer, Decapitator, and my other favorite double-black runs.
Nope, you didn’t. Even when you were in your twenties, day one was a tough day of cruising the greens and blues, and allowing your body to remember how to make a turn on skis without killing yourself.
Really?
Yep. So go easy on yourself today. Just make it through the day without crashing. Remind yourself why you love to do this. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Fine. Let’s cruise another groomer and try to remember how to make a gosh darned turn.
And when you’re done—enjoy every sip of that beer.
Speaking of which, I think I’m ready to quit.
That’s fine. Let’s make our way to the cafeteria. A beer costs $28.
Oh crap, where’d I put my wallet?
Sigh.
The post The First Day of Ski Season Is Always a Painful and Frustrating Ordeal appeared first on Outside Online.
