When ABC, owned by Disney, initially considered firing Jimmy Kimmel — then reversed course — the only guiding principle should have been four simple letters: WWCD? “What would Charlie do?”
Not Chaplin. Not Brown. Not even Charlie Sheen. I mean Charlie Kirk — the free-speech advocate who believed words — even controversial ones — should be met with debate, not censorship.
Kirk loved hearing things that outraged him, reveling in the chaos instead of nodding along. He trusted citizens to handle words like adults, not like some Real Housewives star throwing a tantrum over a lost selfie.
Enter the latest Disney-Marvel sequel, Guardians of the Shareholders. Forget superheroes saving the world — this ragtag team of Bob Iger-led corporate weasels, nervous about squeamish sponsors, battles the ultimate threat: a comedian’s monologue.
And here’s where the hypocrisy goes biblical — literally. Jesus, in Matthew 5:39, said, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Disney’s take? “If anyone sends threatening emails, yank Kimmel off the air indefinitely and replace him with Celebrity Family Feud reruns.”
Or take Mark 10:14: “Suffer the little children to come unto me.” The White House’s version? “Suffer the little late-night hosts, then sue them until they suffer more.”
Even the nation’s new Hall Monitor of Humor, FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, weighed in. He called Kimmel’s joke “truly sick” — the kind of thing RFK Jr. might blame for causing autism.
Carr follows his own MAGA Bible, Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” His interpretation: “One inappropriate joke and you’re fired. Meanwhile, I’ll go on right-wing podcasts to detail the national security risks of comedy.”
Vice President JD Vance proclaimed: “Jimmy Kimmel wasn’t funny, his ratings were in the toilet, and his advertisers were revolting.” Translation: the real threat to America isn’t border security, government overspending, or Second Amendment rights—it’s a comedian whose punch lines cut into corporate profit margins.
Political commentator Megyn Kelly declared that Kimmel had “smeared an entire movement and Trump in particular with a vile disgusting lie.” Meanwhile, Kelly has her own résumé of controversial speech — insisting Santa Claus is white and defending blackface costumes, which famously got her fired from NBC. Apparently, in the war on free speech, the former news journalist whose résumé reads like a series of professional train wrecks now decides what other pundits can say.
And in a twist worthy of its own Netflix standup special, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) expressed outrage at the FCC’s intervention — leaving Republicans shell-shocked as they tried to process Cruz siding with the ACLU instead of asserting his constitutional right to sip margaritas at a luxury resort in Cancún during a pandemic.
Charlie Kirk would have laughed at this spectacle — not because censorship is funny, but because hypocrisy is impossible to ignore when powerful men squirm over a joke. He delighted in hearing offensive things, believing free speech meant free speech for everyone — the racist, the left-wing radical, even a liberal late-night host.
As someone with multiple standup appearances on late-night shows, as well as experience writing for them — including Saturday Night Live — I have a clear sense of how Kimmel can meet this moment with his return. He can lean into the spotlight, show genuine excitement at being back on the air, and, most importantly, not apologize for anything. And he should invite the heads of Disney, ABC, the FCC, and President Trump on a future episode — to show America how hilarious late-night TV would be under Kremlin supervision.
So yes, Kimmel returns for now, dodging the ax that was halfway through the swing. Before Disney pulls the plug again, before Carr dusts off his FCC manuals, before Trump screams “cancellation!” at a late-night host, pause and ask: What would Charlie do?
Sadly, Kirk couldn’t dodge a bullet. But free speech just did — barely.
Hugh Fink is an Emmy Award-winning comedian and former writer for “Saturday Night Live.” He has served as executive producer for the Writers Guild Awards and teaches comedy writing at Harvard University, Chapman University and Emerson College.
